From March 2008:

News has reached us that the paparazzi’s favourite negligent mother, Britney Spears, is to make a gratuitous guest appearance in US sitcom How I Met Your Mother, a TV show that recently made it into the record books for managing to run three years without raising a single laugh. This isn’t a terrible surprise: as the end of the US TV season approaches, shows often trot out a parade of celebrity guest stars to secure high ratings and the chance of another year on screen. What follows is a list of notable famous faces confirmed to crop up in some of the most popular TV imports soon:

Grey’s Anatomy: In a mutually beneficial arrangement designed to coincide with the North American release of Back to Black, Amy Winehouse will appear in three episodes as Dr. Thomasina Franklin, the new anaesthesiologist, who never fails to find a good vein.

Lost: Anything Ms. Spears can do, Christina Aguilera can do better, louder and in either English or Spanish. So when she heard her arch-rival had signed up to play a ditzy receptionist in a comedy no one watches, Aguilera had her people contact the Lost people to get her a four-episode stint in one of television’s most talked-about series. Details are scarce, but it is believed that she will play Juanita Diablo, a pearl-diver with a dark secret who washes up on the beach in a skimpy bikini designed to make the most of Aguilera’s post-baby chest orbs.

CSI Dungarvan: Ben Affleck has inked a deal to appear in the pilot episode of the 43rd spin-off in the CSI franchise, and the first to be set abroad. Like CSI Miami (Yellowish) and CSI New York (Blue), it is understood that CSI Dungarvan will be filmed with a particular colour saturating almost every scene, believed to be pale lavender with a hint of indigo. Producers have said that Affleck’s challenging role will demand every ounce of the subtle nuance he displayed in such non-award-winning non-hits as Gigli and DareDevil. Following this statement, it was revealed that he will be playing a corpse.

Heroes: In a huge coup for the hit superhero series, both Victoria Beckham and Bertie Ahern have confirmed they will appear in upcoming episodes. In a move designed to bring in millions of Irish-American viewers, the Taoiseach will make a short appearance as Lord Tempus Teflon, a character with the power to manipulate the past to suit himself through sheer force of will. Meanwhile, as part of her relentless campaign to be noticed by the American public, Posh Spice will appear as 2-D Girl, an internationally-renowned art thief with the ability to slip through cracks in doors and under windows, who can also appear invisible by turning sideways.

Meanwhile, details have emerged of potential reality TV shows that have been scrapped now that the writer's strike is over. Unfilmed concepts included Al Gore’s Celebrity Dancing on Melting Ice, Are You Smarter Than A Republican Presidential Candidate? and Survivor: Tibet.