Number Two in our series of unfinished symphonies concerns my fictionalisation of the creatures I encountered on the bus before I obtained a chauffeur (i.e. my unemployed mother). Alas there are no pictures for this one so move along if you can't read blogs that don't have bad photoshopping accompanying them.
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I’ve been getting the bus to work for a long time now, and
in that time, I’ve come to know and love the regular passengers of route 308 as
though they were kin of mine. I’ve also alleviated early morning boredom by
building up complex back-stories for each and every one of them, which I am
pleased to share.
UL Engineering Nerds: Or maybe they study mathsology. Or
physics. I can’t be certain, as I base this assumption purely on half-glimpsed
notes they quickly rummage through at exam-time. As a former Arts student,
anything that involves a diagram is inevitably a Hard Science as far as I’m
concerned. This duo can most often be found swapping tales about their modules,
and various problems they endured before invariably coming up trumps. Often they
will also discuss horror films, Xbox Live or Downloading Things Before They
Have Aired Here, As Though That Makes Them Special. There is a deep-seated
tension at the heart of their interaction, as their tales generally involve one
trying to one-up the other, whether it be academically, through the number of
episodes of The Walking Dead they watched in one night, or via the classic
Irish medium of “I was so slaughtered last night that I...”. This tension
originates from one enchanted evening where, after several sweet Sherries, one
dropped the hand on the other, who immediately recoiled but upon later
reflection sorta wishes it would happen again, causing instability in the power
dynamic of their relationship that fuels their insecure competitive
conversations.
Make-up Lady: Make-up Lady spends the duration of her bus
journey deftly applying various ointments, potions and chemical marvels to her
visage, and leaves the bus looking about 10 years younger and twice as
colourful, with not a smudge to be seen. She has perfected her art over many
years, practicing on roller-coasters and the backs of donkeys going up hills
until reaching her current level of perfect accuracy. Her routine betrays her
personal dissatisfaction with life and a desperate sense of helplessness – her
husband is an alcoholic in and out of rehabilitation programmes, while her
children have left for Australia and Canada, leaving her with a sense of
powerlessness that she struggles to gain some sense of control over through her
daily ritual.
The Polish Women: Twenty-something Mjykra and middle-aged sourpuss
Kytrvna, though poles apart in age, are Poles united in the face of oppression.
Giggling gleefully through their journey, their friendship stretches back through
several years of hard graft at the University of Limerick, where they probably
work as cleaners. Initially hostile to one another, due to the fact the
Mjykra’s mother Slwtrna is from the Vlyvy region and Kytrvna, with her broad
shoulders, heterochromatic eyes and wiry hair, was clearly from the rival area
of Ytwvsty; the women forged a bond in the heat of terror when Mjykra saved
Kytrvna from the advances of their lecherous employer. Blinding him with a
blast of Cif to the eyes, then bludgeoning him to death with the handle of a
broom, the ladies spent the next few days slowly dissolving his corpse in a
wheelie-bin filled with a potent mixture of cleaning products, then dumped the
crimson gloop that remained into the Shannon, causing the deaths of dozens of
innocent salmon. Regional rivalries fade away quickly when you’ve killed
together – the bond between these two women shall last a lifetime.
Denis the Off-Road Forty-something: Forty-something Denis
uses public transport out of necessity, having been put off the roads for 3 years following a drink driving incident. Desperate to avoid the
shame of anyone finding out, Denis has convinced the neighbours that he walks
to work these days in order to keep fit.
*ends abruptly*
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